Blogging Through Life

Everything is just so stressful to me. Why? Because the talent show was on Friday and so was my birthday. The talent show is where we first got together and my birthday is when we had our first kiss. Which means we didn't kiss until weeks went by. For some reason I just can't get over him. Part of me yearns for me to move on, while my heart begs to never give up on what we had. Even though he was my boyfriend, he was also my friend. 

Ugh! Why can't they understand that I'm no longer a child. Even though I'm the youngest of my siblings that doesn't mean I'm a baby! My birthday is next week and last year was my last party and a couple months ago I made a deal that I'm going to start earning my own money and that I shall no longer ask for stuff. It's not fair that they're telling me crap when I'm doing the thing I promised to do. And since Leslie's birthday is next week too. But I'm trying to take this last minute baby sitting gig when my mom tells me no. How dare her! It's my only chance to earn this money. Last month while I was at hobby lobby I saw this sketch set, and since Leslie loves drawing I decided that I would buy it for her.  But I totally forgot how expensive it is, And now I can take this gig and buy it. If I don't have enough total, I'll just buy her the small set. But I don't think she cares about how big it is, cause I know it'll make her...

I keep telling myself that I'm over him, which is an obvious clue that I'm head over heel and there's no way of bringing myself back to reality. When there's a way that not even I knew. He is my reality. Sounds crazy right? But it's the truth. He keeps my head out of the clouds while everybody else hangs by a string as I start to float. But just because I like this guy doesn't mean that I'm going to ruin his relationship, just to start a new one with me. I always hear people say "If you love something set it free, and if it loves you back it'll come back to you." Well usually I would say "That's nothing but B.S!" But I'm gonna try this time. Because it's time to take risks and make chances. Or maybe I'm just afraid of getting hurt. Either way, I'm gonna let him come to me.

No matter how many times I tell myself. I'm not over my ex. I mean how can I. He's funny, gives advice, and he's still the guy I fell in love with. The only reason we broke up was because I was taking my friend's advice. She always said bad stuff about him and all my friends started telling me to dump him, not that I'm blaming them. I was the one who made the foolish mistake to listen to them and because of it, I am the one who is heartbroken. Then again maybe I deserve it. I've always made mistakes and I'm tired of it. Sometimes it hurts to be the shy, nice, and sweet girl. One thing is that no matter what happens, I'll be the sweetest Bitch that you'll ever meet. Sometimes it feels good to be Not-So-Good.

I'm so confused. I have no idea what to do.  I feel so selfish for thinking that i want to be single when i'm with a really great guy who really likes me. I feel like i used him just to get over my ex. If i did i feel like im so evil. I honestly think that maybe I do like him but what I realized is that I haven't seen him since Sunday and I haven't missed him one bit. Whats wrong with me! I knew that i shouldn't have got with him while i had feelings for my ex. Either i don't love him or I just don't want to get heartbroken while my heart is already cracked. I should've let him dump me while i had a chance, but now it's too late. There's no turning back now.                                              - That Girl 

Boyfriends are the thing girls want most. They want to have boyfriends to make them feel special. Other girls use boyfriends for popularity or sometimes just for sex. You don't always need a boyfriend to feel special or beautiful, thats why you have family. Family members can make you feel special too. Family can also break your heart too.  Parents. They're the worst problem say you love someone so much that you get with them and then your parents find out.  Some parents are cool and want to meet the nice boy but others, they tell you to break up with them and they don't even want to listen to your side of the story. Boyfriends are good and all but they always come with a price.

I dont understand how my family is so clueless not not tell whats been going on since the 5th grade. They think that a person can be so predictable, but sometimes a single smile can hide all the tears that a person's been holding in since the 5th grade. They tell me everything is gonna be fine, but is still going on. 8th grade, seems like a new school year but its not the same names, rumors, but sometimes not always the same bullies. Looking at every single one noticing the same bullies along with some ex best friends. How can someone who used to be your friend become your bully? Well don't ask me I'm only a victim since 5th grade. I've been holding all my feelings and tears but it ends up backfiring. Its like I'm a jar and all my feelings and tears are the water. A jar can only hold in so much water. The more water you put in a jar the more some comes splashing out. Sometimes suicide is the only option that comes to my mind. Not once. Not twice. But Three times a ...